disease

So I was waiting in an audition today and reading "Angels in America" for a class. The play talks vividly about what AIDS does to a person. There is a scene where Prior is writhing around on the floor in agony and then shits blood. His boyfriend is there trying to help him. Can you imagine watching your loved one bleed out of every orifice. uhg.

My father tells me today that the Clinic in my home town has sent out a letter informing me that their refrigerators were not at the proper temperature and all the vaccines given out since '92 may not work. I never got the chicken pox so I got the vaccine, lets hope that one was fine in the fridge or maybe that explains all these mosquito bites haha.

another year

So once again Hairspray looms on the horizon, but this time I am a different person. So much happens in a year. People come and go, attitudes change, jobs change, experiences are gained, and the world has a slightly different hue.

I have found recently that the way I perceive myself and the way others perceive me is very different. Being in a long term relationship has opened up all these new windows of awareness. I see myself as the relaxed one, because my girlfriend has anxiety issues and constantly needs reassurance of her worth as a human. Our friends view her as the chill one who always likes to have a good time and I am a controlling bitch. I do like to be in control of things and possibly I do treat her like a child upon occasion because she always needs to be coddled. But for some reason her flaws are untraceable and mine are more apparent. Why is this? I don't see the same person that they see. Who are we really? Are we the way we perceive ourselves, the way others perceive us, or a combination of the two?

I keep wondering when my career is going to start. I seem to continue to get older and yet my career hasn't taken off. It is scary how time is always moving forward even if you aren't.