...

Funny how you can put your all into something and really have faith that you are going to get it and then you don't. I still don't know if it has totally set in that I didn't get the job. I know everyone says that things happen for a reason, but I can't really understand why that wasn't meant to be.

dreams flushed down the toilet

so hairspray comes and goes. I find myself still thinking it is ahead of me, when quite frankly at this point I will never be penny in national tour of hairspray. I thought maybe if I really gave it my all that would be enough, I forgot about dancing. And it was bad enough that they couldnt put up with my dancing. I guess by this point they had enough dancing penny's that they were able to cast it. damnit, i was still holding onto that shred of hope. I dont know how i am going to get anywhere in musical theatre without the dance skills. And I am so frustrated, but I know that I am not going to get anywhere if I sit around and wish that they might call. I think the hardest thing is not knowing what is going on or who they are casting. I just need to tell myself that it wasnt meant to be, but the hard thing is that it seemed so right, it seemed like fate, and now here I am. oh well.

am I ready

So the Hairspray audition is next friday. It is so frustrating that I feel like I have been preparing to get the role and now i feel like I am preparing not to get it. I need to take it as a challenge and not let anyone tell me I'm not going to get it. I need to wake up in the morning and say, I am going to land myself a job today. I have prepared enough and i just need to trust that. I need to go in give the performance of my life that I know I can do and actually show people what I can do, instead of putting myself down before I even get there. I am the one who isnt giving myself the chance to get the job and that is not fair. I have so much that I have worked for and actually completed. I need to pretend that I am doing the audition in Corvallis.
1. wake up and say "this is my day".
2. before I walk in the room, this is my challenge.
3. I am ready.
4. breath in penny.
5. good job no matter what happens I have accomplished somethign just being there.

I'm ready for big things

It is July 1st 2008 and I find that I am ready to face my fears and follow my dreams. I have found recently that the only thing that gives me that feeling of excitement, determination, and passion is musical theatre. I would imagine it is the way other people feel when they are in love. This is my love and I need to just throw myself in headfirst and stop holding back. I recently read that "actors are just as scared of success as they are of failure", which rang a little too true.
Here I am sitting at work wishing that I was touring with Hairspray. Bob cline please be my link to success...
The only thing I want out of this year is a tour.