i'm still here, I'm still here

here I am. now. another year spent with hope and casual effort disguised to look like indifference. if I didnt put everything into my dreams I will not have failed per se. in all actuality I am fairly young, but in terms of when my career should have begun I have snowballed into complete failure. my self after school was so determined and hopeful. I knew if I just worked harder I would be offered the perfect job. I vacuumed and sang, I cooked while stretching, and I acted while on the subway. now I do karaoke to remind myself that I have a voice somewhere under everything. I used to have so much hope and that has been burried in an attempt to squash disappointment, but without hope I am nothing. I dont even know who I am supposed to be because i thought I was going to be the girl who never gave up. I haven't given up, but I have buried myself so deeply under everything that I have no idea who I am anymore.

I am four years past that girl who wrote about hairspray.