dreams flushed down the toilet

so hairspray comes and goes. I find myself still thinking it is ahead of me, when quite frankly at this point I will never be penny in national tour of hairspray. I thought maybe if I really gave it my all that would be enough, I forgot about dancing. And it was bad enough that they couldnt put up with my dancing. I guess by this point they had enough dancing penny's that they were able to cast it. damnit, i was still holding onto that shred of hope. I dont know how i am going to get anywhere in musical theatre without the dance skills. And I am so frustrated, but I know that I am not going to get anywhere if I sit around and wish that they might call. I think the hardest thing is not knowing what is going on or who they are casting. I just need to tell myself that it wasnt meant to be, but the hard thing is that it seemed so right, it seemed like fate, and now here I am. oh well.